Selfish
by YourCryingShoulder
Summary: One-Shot My name is Gabriella Montez. And I have one major regret in my life. It revolves around how selfish I was, to hurting the only person in my life that ever really mattered. Troy. Troyella. Song-fic.


A/N: I apologize if some of the lyrics of the song are incorrect. I got them from the internet so I'm not quite sure. But well this song strangely always made me think of Gabriella and Troy so here it is. The song is 'Selfish' by Nikki Flores.

Also, I don't know how but somehow this kind of became two different stories, well I feel. A nice little part at the end. Hope you enjoy.

Selfish

As I stood in front of the packed crowd at the small café we had in our little town, my heart thumped loudly in my chest. My stomach twisted and turned as I stepped forward to the microphone stand and placed one hand on top of the microphone, bringing my face closer to it as I glanced around to the awaiting eyes that lay upon me.

My name is Gabriella Montez. And I have one major regret in my life. It revolves around how selfish I was, to hurting the only person in my life that ever really mattered. I may not at the time have realized what I was doing but that doesn't reverse what I did.

Troy Bolton. He was the most important aspect of my life. My high school sweetheart and as college soon approached, me and him both received scholarships, him for basketball and me for academic standards, but sadly not for the same school. Neither of us could pass up the opportunity. Troy was already having troubles affording college and I knew my mom couldn't support the money we would need for me to go through those four years, maybe even more. We both needed these scholarships and we both took them. But it would also mean that we would have to separate. As heartbreakingly true as that was.

I couldn't handle that separation and Troy knew that better than anyone. He knew I couldn't break up with him and he understood how devastated I would be if he broke up with me. So Troy being Troy was the most selfless person and we kept the relationship going. So as we separated, our relationship stayed strong. Or so I thought.

The spotlight was dropped upon my face, bringing me back to the present. The music started to play and everyone quietened as the café was filled with the sound of a piano being played. I silently prepared myself as butterflies fluttered in my stomach and my heart was painfully tugged at. I'm just Gabriella Montez, and this is my story of how I officially became the worst person alive.

I opened my mouth and let the words flow out of my mouth as memories filled my mind.

"I only thought of you and me and never anything else  
The time we spent together kept me sane, it helped me to be myself  
What I didn't realize is that the distance was breaking your heart  
Even under you're best disguise, it was tearing you apart, baby.  
It was…"

Troy was the most amazing person I knew. The most caring and most giving boyfriend you could ever imagine. And all I seemed to be able to do was take.

Troy was never okay with long distance relationships. But he knew the toll it would take on me with not being in a relationship with him. Everyday Troy would constantly tell me he loved me and make sure I was fine. Never did I realize, never did I _ask_ if he was okay. It was always about me, and now how I wish I could go back in time and change it all.

---

"_Wow," I breathed as I stared down at the letter that shook unsteadily in my hand. Troy paced around his room as I sat, shocked, on his bed._

_Troy froze as I finally said something and turned to me. "Gabi, I don't have to go if you don't want me too."_

"_Like I'm going to let you pass up your dream?" It was a rhetorical question and Troy sighed, coming over and kneeling down in front of me, grabbing the letter and pushing it to the side._

"_I don't need to go, its okay," he tried reassuring me. I knew if I told him to stay, he would. But I wouldn't let that happen._

"_This is you dream Troy."_

"_You're my dream," he whispered as he gently caressed my cheek._

"_That's sweet Troy, but I still won't let you."_

_Troy sighed as he dropped his hand and rested his head in my lap. I gently played with his hair for a moment before he spoke again._

"_I'll miss you."_

"_I'll miss you too Troy." I whispered, forcing back tears._

_---_

I'm not sure but I thing he might have meant that as our goodbye, and as our break up. Maybe, maybe not. I can never be too sure but somehow things ended up the way they were.

I held on to much too him. I promised him our love would always survive but never once did I wonder if that was really what he wanted. I should have let him decide. I should have given him the choice. I didn't know what he really felt. Really, I didn't.

"…Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be.  
Selfish, to want you here everyday, even though we were much too far away.  
Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, leave me helplessly hanging on to you  
Selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us…"

The goodbye we had at the airport still seems crisp in my mind. The way he held me. The way he kissed me. The way he comforted me. It was all about _me._ Now I just wish with all my heart it could have always have been about _him_.

---

"_Shh, Gabriella. Come on, don't cry. It's going to be alright," Troy assured me as he held me firmly in his arms, my face buried in his chest and his nuzzled in my hair._

"_I'm going to miss you Troy," I whispered as I felt his arms tighten around me._

"_Don't worry Gabi, I'm always going to be here for you," he murmured and stroked my hair. "Always."_

"…_flight 207 to California is now boarding. I repeat, flight 207 to California is now boarding. Thank you."_

"_Gabi, I have to go." He loosened his arms and tried to pull himself away from me. I wouldn't let him._

"_No," I sobbed, shaking my head and held on tighter. It was so hard to say goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye. I _wouldn't_ say goodbye._

"_Gabriella," he whispered trying to loosen my arms. I wouldn't let him. I couldn't._

---

I was always holding on too much. Way too much. I was trying to protect myself against the pain. And all I did was transfer the pain to Troy.

"…Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby (didn't wanna hurtchu baby)  
Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby

When I am on the telephone I hear you say goodnight  
Was hard to not the best way to keep the commitment light?  
After all the fantasies, I couldn't see past, what could it be?  
You were a part of me, but it had to be, oh it had to  
'cause it was.."

---

"_Hey babe, I've got to now," I heard Troy's voice say over the phone._

_I felt myself frown. "Oh," I breathed. The line was silent for a moment before I spoke again, forcing a small sad smile as if Troy watching me. I was trying to stay strong. "I love you Troy."_

_I heard a quick intake of breath on the other line but when it came out his breath shook. "I love you too Gabriella," he whispered. I wondered what the waver of his breathing was for but I could hear the sincerity in his voice and the emotion behind it sang so true that it was hard to focus on anything else._

"_Goodnight Troy."_

"_Goodnight Gabi." He spoke with so much pain in his voice that made me want to pull him in a hug, but I couldn't for he was way too far away. It felt like we were a world away._

_I heard the click of the phone on the other end and it took me a moment to follow in Troy's lead but after a moment the phone was back on the hook._

_My brow was scrunched in confusion and wonderment as I thought of what was wrong with Troy. I quickly shook my head and thought nothing of it. My mistake._

_---_

I finally realize what was wrong with Troy, but it was far to late. It was the distance between us. It seemed to have been taking a bigger toll on Troy than that on me. And I blame myself.

If I wasn't so selfish I would have let Troy go. Let him live his life for himself instead of me. I've always know there were many selfish and greedy people in the world, but I never thought so much that _I_ was one. How could I do this to him? How could I have hurt him so? Why was I so selfish?

"…Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be.  
Selfish, to want you here everyday, even though we were much to far away.  
Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, to leave me helplessly hanging on to you  
Selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us

Tell me, how can it be that I loved you with all my heart but I was heartless, I want to believe that there was still something I was running from, oh no, take this misery away, away.  
It was…"

I can't believe the way I acted. I can't believe what I put Troy through all for my own desires. Troy probably hated me right now and you know what? I don't even blame him.

I was supposed to love him. Love him with every ounce of power I had. I did love but they say love makes you blind. I don't think this was the type of blind they were talking about.

I was supposed to help him, not tear him down. He was my one and only and now I'm left all alone. I just wish I could love him the way I want to. I wish I could see him again just to say how sorry I really was. But then I wonder if I'm being to selfish again and should just leave him alone for the rest of his life.

He doesn't want me anymore, and I wish I could handle that harsh truth. But I couldn't.

"…Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be.  
Selfish, to want you here everyday, even though we were much to far away.  
Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, to leave me helplessly hanging on to you  
selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us…"

I didn't want to hurt you Troy. Never.

"…Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby (never meant to hurt you baby)  
Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby…"

I couldn't breath. The feelings were to overwhelming. All my memories of Troy flashed through my mind as my heart broke with every second that passed.

There was only one thing that went through my mind. I need to get out of here. _Before_ everyone notices the tears in my eyes. I just need to get out.

---

Sitting at the back of the café were two men who just finished watching the performance. One man slowly turned to the other.

"So…" Chad persisted to the man that sat beside him. "She regrets it."

The man stayed silent as he stared up at the girl that was making her way down the stairs with a frown placed upon his lips. "I know Chad," he whispered as he finally looked down at his hands.

Chad looked at him as if he was crazy. "So if you know that, then why aren't you going after her?"

The man glanced up again. This time the girl was packing her bag in a frenzy as her eyes sparkled. The mans heart broke as he saw a single tear fall out of her eye as she hurriedly wiped it away.

"It over Chad." His voice cracked as fifty emotions sprung out of him at once.

"How can you be acting like this. You love her. She loves you. What the matter?"

"Things have changed Chad,"

Chad stared at him with his mouth open trying to say something but nothing seemed to come out. After a moment the man began to stand as Chad stared up at him.

"Where are you going?"

"Home,"

"What about Gabi?"

"I never broke up with her, she broke up with me."

"Cause she thought she was being selfish, but I think its you that's the one being like that Troy."

Troy sighed as he glanced at the door longingly. She was out there, maybe he could catch up with her. _No, no you can't do that_, he shouted inside his head. He closed his eyes tightly.

"I have to go Chad, I got a plane to catch and a girlfriend waiting back home for me"

"That you don't love." He tried keeping his voice low but the anger behind it shone brightly.

Troy looked at him angrily. "How would you know?"

"I'm you best friend. And your still the guy you were in high school. And your still the guy that's in love with Gabriella. Stop hurting her man."

"She'll move on," he tried to convince the Chad and himself.

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Stacey's waiting for me. And if I don't leave now I'm going to miss my flight."

"What about Gabriella? What about her? What about what she just did?"

Troy smiled sadly. "I think it was the perfect ending."

"Troy.."

"Chad, just, don't." And with that Troy walked out of the café, his suitcase dragging on behind him. No one noticed the single tear that dropped carelessly down his face. No one notice the tremble of his lip as he walked down the road. No one noticed his broken heart for the girl he was leaving all alone. And no one noticed his final words for the women he loved.

"I'll miss you Gabi. I love you. Goodbye."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I actually wasn't planning to put this up but I kept coming back to it so here it is! Tell me what you think. Not my best but oh well.


End file.
